Doc Hemp's General Philosophy
(And Warped Sense of Humor)
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Case #1 (Mr. Bud Weiser)
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Let Me Juss Start by sayin .....
"I am hung like Einstein and As Smart as a Horse!"
..... Ah ... Oh well, Sumptin like Dat!
Anyways .... I wuz sooo Ugly ...
My momma hada tie a Pork Chop Round my neck ...
Juss so's our dog would play wit me!
(Thank You Rodney Dangerfield)
1/8/06
I always get asked "Why do you do all this stuff?" .... "Open yourselves up to so many people?" ... My answer is ... It started out in 1994 as a new frontier and hobby. We had the first dental website in the world that we know of .. I shortly learned to type all my own html. ... As a result we started to meet and make some of the best friends we have ever had and from many parts of the world. It has opened doors to many different groups that know us where ever we go.
Before the internet and the world wide web this would have taken many life times to accomplish. This has also allowed us to share many of our principles and ideas in an interesting and funny format. It has broadened our hobby interests to no end! ... This is the world's biggest and oldest Blog Site as the Newbies now call it! ... Please try and take it in a positive and humorous light. .
2-23-06 .... Another thing I would like to share .... I am into my 5th year as a cancer survivor, two melanoma's ... Recently, the last one was only slightly dysplastic ... I was saved by a Canfield Mole Mapping Machine that Dr. Burell at U.C. Davis in Sacramento managed to find ... .. I go in every 6 months and see my Oncologist every 6 months ... have a full body Cat/Scan every year ... The first Melanoma was pretty shallow ... Very Very Nasty Things ... But .... So Far So Good! .... Becky and I are dedicating all our many internet sites to all cancer patients world wide!
3/07 .... Update ... 5th year over with no sign of the original melanoma .... So far so good!
Becky and I have always believed it's the journey not the destination that matters most! ... We have already lived a few good life times together ... Financial stability is important ... but hoarding money for moneys sake, especially at the expense of others is a sickness. Work hard, Play Hard, be as honest as you can and treat everyone with respect and kindness ... That is the secret we have found, to a very happy life! ... If I should die soon I blame no one ... Friends ... It is important we all live every day to the fullest ... It may be our last! ..... James Dean's Quote is one of my favorites ..... "Dream As If You Will Live Forever, And Live Each Day As If You May Die Tomorrow".
PLEASE KEEP AN OPEN MIND: There are many different aspects to this site! Those with a closed mind will run across something they don't agree with & exit immediately & say "Well, if'n he thinks dat way - he ain't got no nuttin else that can be wurth nuttin! Any intelligent person with an open mind visiting my site will say to him self - "Geeze, .... this doc hemp .... What an idiot! So uninformed! How unprofessional! How degrading to God's only chosen profession "DENTISTY!" Can't spell worth a darm, dumb as a stone ... but looky here - wow, here's something I can really have fun with or have an interest in, in spite of this yo - yo! In fact maybe a lot of this is tongue in cheek, etc. Maybe I'll give him a chance after all?! Maybe I can find a chuckle or two somewhere. CASE CLOSED! SO!! ABSORB THE BEST - SHINE THE REST! USE WHAT U CAN, CAN WHAT U CAN'T! You Can Can it Can't You? (Oh .... all this intellectual sparring is giving me a headache!) ... grin again.
Doc Hemp's philosophy of success (definitely isn't spelling - hee-hee) is not how much money you make! Or, how many degrees you hold! But whether you are SATISFIED WITH YOUR INDIVIDUAL LIFE! If you are at peace with yourself and your accomplishments, you are a very successful person with a very big piece of the pie called life! (and if your spouse thinks so too, you have really hit the jackpot! -grin). What anyone else thinks really doesn't matter worth a damn does it? (well, .... maybe your boss if you aren't self employed) .... Why do so many of us spend so much effort, time and money trying to impress people that could care less!!?
In fact, in my 64 years of observations, I think that the more money and fame one has, the less time one has to spend being happy, doing fun things with family & friends, without any cares or worries. Because life becomes so complex with business, obsessions, possessions and doing what others think we should be spending our time on instead
Also, What follows in not all of my own origination .... most of it with a Doc Hemp twist though ... much is original .... much that I saw & thought worth passing on that fit my warped sense of humor .... I must give credit to Rodney Dangerfield, God rest his soul! My hero of one and two liners ... I do give credit if the author is known to me. ... Feel free to let me know if you see your material here .... will give you credit my friend, for you are obviously the Creme de la creme on my list of funny people. Oh you poor soul!!!!!
Life is like a roll of toilet paper ... the closer you get to the end the faster it goes!
Hey ....Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
The Lottery is a tax on people that are bad at math! And those that do win it usually lose it to those that are good at math!
(the 2nd part of this is a doc hemp original quote)
Sex on Television doesn't hurt anyone! ........... Unless they fall off of it of course!
Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
I was gunna try Viagra .... but ... it'd be like putting up a new flagpole on a condemned building.
Remember ... When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
What do you have when an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic are all rolled up into one? .....
A person who stays up all night wondering if there really is a doG?
I'll have you know I started out with nothing and still have most of it left! So There!
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
ON RACISM: Take a White, Brown, Black, Yellow & Red person all born on the same day. Before being conceived they were the same. Be it nothingness, a soul, or a what ever. Let's give them all a life of 80 years. After dying & being cremated their ashes are indistinguishable! If buried, their bones will all look the same in short order! So! In the 12 billion years or so that this planet will exist during which time we are ALL THE SAME!! (Or an eternity if that also might be the case), except for a mere molecular spec of time in which we have different colored skins & characteristics (the only time we are a little different) we spend precious time arguing over who's the best!!! You can't play with my toys!! My dad can beat up your dad! We were here first! We are mentally superior ... And on & on instead of REALLY LIVING the FEW SPECIAL MOMENTS of consciousness called life!! Like taking a deep breath outside each day & using precious time that we throw away on totally disgusting non-important things! (like computers - hee -he!).
How about this? Take any color violent radical - let them be born into another color or neighborhood! They would be the same violent radical in THAT COLOR! ... So - it all boils down to chance & environment! So Sherlock! Live & let live for crying out loud! The only way to success is our INDIVIDUAL fortitude & desire to better ourselves through education, change of environment, etc. ONLY IN AMERICA FOLKS! There are plenty of excuses to just sit in front of the TV watching cartoons the rest of one's life and blame everyone & everything but ourselves!!! We all know Leaders & successful people from all races & walks of life that have made it! Even with the worst childhoods .... And against horrendous odds! .... The only difference between a winner & a loser is attitude! ..... Geeze .... look at Bill Gates (my hero) ... ugly as my rear end & a college drop out! He always knew that he was a winner!!!!
I am guilty of occasionally laughing & telling jokes that are in bad taste about any nationality or person or religion, etc. that might be going around & funny!? I don't feel that I am prejudiced against anybody or anything! But to the alarmists!!! Oh my god! It's war fur sur! Hate! Hate! Hate! Bull scheeeeiiiiiit! It's just a warped sense of humor! If you can't laugh at yourself, your race, your religion and others then your are racist!
Know why Italians have large nostrils? ....... Big Fingers!
THE I.R.S. MOTTO: "WE HAVE WHATEVER IT TAKES, TO TAKE WHATEVER YOU HAVE!" A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right!
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Therefore:
Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human
Services)
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500.
Therefore:
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188
Statistically, doctors are approximately 900,000 times more dangerous than
gun
owners.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors
before this gets out of hand!
As a Public Health Measure I have withheld the statistics on Lawyers for
fear that the shock could
cause people to seek medical aid - from a doctor. (Grin!) ....
This was sent to me by Arch Livengood
You know you are a redneck if you let your 12 yr. old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school ... but they
can in prison?
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever! .... Damn It!
Some scientists were arguing over what field God had a background in - - One said he must have been an electrical engineer - look at the brain, the synapses, all the nerves in the body, another said he must have been a mechanical engineer - - look at how all the joints have to work - - a Caltrans worker leaning on a shovel near by said - I think he was with Cal Trans, who else would run a hazardous waste line through a recreational area! (from one of my patients)
Don't you just Love Country Western!? ........ "How can I miss you if you WON'T GO AWAY?!" ... And further more! "I keep forgettin I forgot to forget to forget that you forgot to forget about me!" Or "She got the ring & I got the finger!" And remember - "You're the reason our kids are so damn UGLY!" And finally "Please bypass this heart, Cause you're the cholesterol in my life!" (titles with a Doc Hemp twist)
I didn't make it to work today ....... mixed Ex Lax with my Prozac ...... Had to sit on the john all day ...... but felt okay about it ....... everything worked it self out in the end too!
ON MONEY: When was the last time you laid down on the lawn & stared up at the clouds, or at the stars (with an Arturo Fuente or Cohiba) and let it all soak in? Get out on that hiking trail, boat, Harley, & experience what ever makes you feel alive!
This does not mean one doesn't have to be productive! One just has to know when enough is enough. The only really important thing we have to decide in life is to decide what to do with the time that each of us is allotted! I doubt if anyone on their death bed wishes ... God .. if only I could have spent one more day in the office!!!!!
Don't you just hate it when you git diahh ..... dyre .... dyerear... The Schiits!
"It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it."
Relationships with people: "The harder you throw a ball against the wall the harder it comes back!" (a Doc Hemp original quote)
Scientific fact: "research causes cancer in rats."
If a Mute person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
My neighbor Dave Moeller was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, Will!? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if
she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features. If she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a large pair
of scissors shoved in his forehead. .... Thank You Hankus for sending me this one
A successful man makes more money than his wife spends, a successful woman finds just such a man. Hee-hee.
On Jealousy ...... "Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity often pays to achievers" Quote by Dick Quinn. (with a doc hemp twist)
Persons that are proficient with firearms respect them - those that aren't, are dangerous or fear & hate them. (a Doc Hemp original quote)
One of my good friends finally lost 150 lbs! Quit drinking, smoking and chasing women! Cut out ALL FATTY FOODS! Runs 12 miles a day! Takes only natural vitamins! ........ He was just run over by a 400lb drunk nymphomaniac, Herb-O-Life distributor, driving a truck loaded with tobacco. (doc hemp)
Oh ... and by the way ... if swimming was supposed to give us such a great shape .... Why do whales look like they do?!
On Self Defense: "It is better to be judged by 12 than carried by six!" (author unknown)
ON CAUSES!: Most people I have found that feel they have to change the world & everyone around them are VERY UNHAPPY & dangerous people! Inversely proportional to the extent of their activism!!!! And they won't feel they have succeeded unless they have turned EVERYBODY around them into robots with their point of view! They are the ones on every committee! Feel appointed by a higher power to protect themselves & society from everyone else's point of view except theirs of course! Be it abortion or gun control to the color of the down town drinking fountain. Plus ...They & their own family's are almost always in turmoil & blame everyone else for that too! They will soon be dead and dirt but will have missed the short spark of life it's self! CASE CLOSED!
As a friend, David Lane from New Zealand once e-mailed me " I am now going to go out & stretch the rods in my Harley Davidson!"
"I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more
dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude." .... Andy Rooney ... Sums up my above ramblinngs perfectly!
Did you hear about the schizophrenic Buddhist? ...... He is two, three, four ... maybe even five with the universe!
Old Musicians never die! They just Decompose! (a Doc Hemp original - 1958)
This guy at the bar orders a beer ... looks in his shirt pocket ... orders another beer ... looks in his shirt pocket ... orders another beer .... this goes on & on ... the bartender finally asks him what do you keep looking in your shirt pocket for? ... The guy says, "I have a picture of my wife in there .... when she looks good I'm going home."
GEEZE! AIN'T LIFE GREAT!!? THE AMERICAN DREAM IS WORTH IT KIDS!! DARE TO SAY NO TO DRUGS! Get that education be it industrial or traditional college! Work hard & honestly at your choosen profession in life! Don't ever wait for anything to EVER be given you by anybody else!!!! Enjoy the rest of the time with your family & friends! Enjoy each day you live! Play hard too!! Surf on top of the water (turmoil) called life! Sinking into the depths can be hazardous to your health.
(A Doc Hemp Gem!) Hee-hee!
We all know of individuals that have ended their lives over what in reality was a minor bump in the road called life, when later one could just stand back & see the whole thing in perspective. Believe me when I say - ALL PROBLEMS, looking back at our youth especially, that at the time seemed insurmountable, (or later in life - IRS, divorce, lost loves, etc.) are 1/1000 of what we thought they were or think they now are! The old adage my gramma used to say, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS!" will always be true. So especially you kids hang in there - there is a lot of stress in our society, but you can later structure your life to avoid it & have lots of fun & maybe see ole Doc Hemp at a car show or on the road somewhere on his Harley! We'll lean back in our lawn chairs, have an Arturo Fuente, a great brew or a root beer & maybe you can tell him that his web site helped even one person out there, if no more than have a laugh or two! Maybe allowed you to look at things in a different perspective.
Remember, don't sweat the little things! And, all things are little things! (There's even a book with this title)
Do you know how to turn a fox into a Pit Bull? Marry her! (see ....... warped sense of humor)
Sometimes I wake up Grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
Grumpy just told me .... IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN! ...
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
How come when we drive slow looking for an address we turn the radio down .... Or shout to those that don't speak our language?
He who breaks wind in church .... soon sits in his own pew!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
ON DIVORCE: - - - DON'T! ........ CASE CLOSED! Even if the only difference between your wife & a Pit Bull is "Lip Stick!" Hee-hee .... or visa verse ....... Old Spice? Actually, Becky & I got married on June 30, 1963 - I still love her very much! - she has been very gracious & supportive of my life long hyperactivity in all parts of this human endeavor called life! She is now suffering through 9/7/98 my summer 19hrs/day of work on my newest endeavor - the large Grand Scale steam locomotive & track layout we are putting in. .... I am as compulsive as ever!
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
You know what weighs 10lbs & comes in a trunk?? (No - not a tire!) An elephant booger!! (one I made up in grade school)
The self is not something that one finds.
It is something
that one creates.
--Thomas Szasz
While stopped & contemplating the meaning of my existence in the middle of the freeway one day I wondered if all there really was to life were these screeching brakes, horns blasting & obscene gestures? .... (Deep thoughts with a Hemp twist.)
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!
ON ALCOHOL: - I hope I don't disappoint too many people when I say this - But I have never been drunk even once in my life! I will have one or two beers, or one or two glasses of wine. Especially when on vacation & after a long hot ride on the Harlelys. I just don't like that weird feeling of losing control.
Cigars likewise. 1 or 2 every 5 or 6 months with a good friend, If that will kill me then so be it!
Eagles are majestic & soar to great heights ........ but Turkeys don't get sucked into jet engines..........? (with a doc hemp twist)
Carry a Mac 10 & wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! (doc hemp)
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't (author unknown)
The physics graduate asks "What's the formula that makes this work?"
The engineering graduate asks "How much stress can this take?"
The accounting graduate asks " How much does this cost?"
The liberal arts graduate asks "You want fries with that?"
- Hee-hee, now before you send me hate mail please realize 2 of our kids are TEACHERS! Hee-hee.
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I have seen many poems for mothers day like the below by Nancy Sweeny .....
ME MUDDER
When me prayers were early said,
Who tucked me in me widdle bed,
"ME MUDDER"
Who lifted me from me cozy cot,
And set me on the ice cold pot,
And made me pee if I could not,
"ME MUDDER"
And when the morning light had come,
and in me bed I'd dribble some,
who wiped me tiny widdle bum,
"ME MUDDER"
And did me hair so neatly part,
And press me gently to her heart,
And sometimes squeeze me till I'd fart,
"ME MUDDER"
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Well! Doc Hemp made up the following poem for fathers everywhere!!!
ME FODDER
Who taught me how to fish & hunt?
Who taught me how to pass & punt?
"ME FODDER!"
Who taught me how to fix the car?
Who gave me my first cigar?
Who taught me how to spit so far?
"ME FODDER!"
Who taught me how to toss the shoes?
who taught me how to sing the blues?
who taught me about moonshine booze?
"ME FODDER!"
Who made belching a real art?
Who taught me how to light a fart?
Who loves me with all his heart?
"ME FODDER!"
"HAPPY FODDERS DAY!"
By Doc Hemp
U may have a very High I.Q.!
You may even belong to Mensa,
As some do!
But if you're reading this
You you ain't that smart
So just light a Mensa fart!
- - - - -
Doc Hemp
Once upon a time,
Can't remember when,
Way back there,
Way back then,
Someone told me something,
Can't remember who,
Can't remember what it was
But if I ever do
I'll write it on a thingum
And put it somewhere safe--
I think the little whatsit
Would be the perfect place.
I wouldn't trust the whosit
With the thingamy because
I can't remember where it is
Or where it ever was.
My memory is excellent,
It's never failed me yet,
The only things it can't recall
Are things that I forget.
--Charles Wilkins
On FRIENDSHIP .... Most of us usually enjoy a beautiful warm sunny day rather than a cold, windy, rainy blustery day. Most people like to be surrounded most by people (friends) that are like that warm sunny day ... warm people, fun loving, relaxing, no stress, easy to be around. People we never seem to quite get enough of, people that don't wear out their welcomes. (another doc hemp observation)
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This site is part of & made possible by the B.A.D. CHARIOTS - HARLEYS, Racing, Trains, Planes & Automobiles) and Doc Hemp's DENTAL SITE Home pages! So, Please visit Dave & Becky's other 150 urls there too! After visiting this great page of course! Also visit our world class hi-tech Music Room!
