ABSTAINER: A Weak Person Who Yields To The Temptation Of Denying
Himself a Pleasure!
My Hero .... Ambrose Bierce
Patient Case #1 (Mr. Bud Weiser)
TO MY DETRACTORS
"Nobody is Perfect!"
"I (Doc Hemp) am Nobody!"
"Thus .. I am Perfect!"
And Don't You Forget It!
(Before you click on Colo-Rectal Surgeon below, turn off the music above first Then click back after hearing it to return to this page)
Yeah, I wuz gunna be a Neurosurgeon, a Colo-Rectal Surgeon or a Nuclear Waste Hauler .... But didn't like the hours!!! So's I settled for sumptin in the middle & became a Dentist haulin a big load of Bullshit! Hee-hee!
Hey ... I'm so UGLY!, I make the onions cry! If you look up UGLY in the encyclopedia my picture takes up 4 pages! My momma tried to enter me in an Ugly contest once and they said ... Sorry, No professionals allowed! As a baby I was so UGLY the doctor spanked my face & actually improved it! My momma had to tie a pork chop round my neck just so's the dog would play with me. I was so Ugly that my mamma feed me with a sling shot!! And I'm so OLD I can remember when God made dirt! (Before I could blow the candles out on my last birthday cake - the Forrest Service dumped a load of Borate on it! The worst part though ... was when the Smoke Jumpers drank all the beer! Geeze!) ..... I'm so fat that Becky has to press my pants in the driveway! My blood type is Ragu! When my beeper goes off - people think I'm backing up & move out of the way!)
And ... unlike Sandy Koufax ... (one of my heros) .. I am not a peregrination expert ... although God knows I need more of it and it shows!
(Summer 06 update) ... after moving a couple hundred tons of dirt, rock and crushed granite on our private railroad .... I can now make thin jokes ... I am so thin that when I stand sideways and stick out my tongue I look like a damn zipper! ... ( ; > )
Oh, ..... and see all the BAD Chariots & Dental pages or I'll hafta help Uncle Sam hunt you down like the dirty yaller dogs you are! .... - BURP - BUT ... not till I'm finished on this important case I'm workin on . Open wide Mr. Weiser!! .... known as Bud to his friends! ..... (Hic up)
And U KNOW ...... In real life ..... I could take Arnold Swhartznagger, Sylvester (my what a nice puddy tat!) Stayalone & "Brucey" What's his name? Willis! .... All AT THE SAME TIME!!! Hic ..... up! ....... but not today.
Now you kids! - this is all in fun! Please don't think I really drink like this! But I still could take those 3 wimps anytime!!! But not today! Doc Hemp
